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How to stop hating yourself and start helping yourself after your divorce

It's so easy to put a label on ourselves when we experience separation or divorce right? It's easy to make our divorce MEAN something about ourselves. We got divorced so we must be.......broken, unworthy, unlovable, too much, not enough, ugly, needy, frigid, rejected. The list is endless.


Take a minute and think about how that little voice inside your head talks to you on a daily basis.


"If only I'd been less............ and more............. it wouldn't have ended"

"You are so stupid, why can't you understand the paperwork from the lawyer"

"You are so bloody boring, you'll never get a date"

"You really are crap with money, you'll never survive financially on your own" and so on and so on.................


Do you feel like you might hate your ex but you actually hate yourself more?


All these endless negative thought loops about yourself train your mind into believing you:


how to stop hating yourself and start helping yourself after divorce

😖CAN'T BE TRUSTED TO MAKE DECISIONS

😖YOU AREN'T WORTHY OF HAPPINESS - YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE & YOU LOST IT

😖YOU CAN'T BUILD A FUTURE & MOVE ON


SO YOU STAY STUCK IN YOUR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES FEELING MORE & MORE DESPONDENT & HOPELESS!


This is how we end up getting stuck after our divorce.



So how do we get unstuck? How do we help ourselves move on after divorce and start to build our new future?


When we start to love ourselves wholeheartedly, everything will change... When you love yourself, you will realize that you are WORTHY, you are LOVED, and you are ENOUGH! Your outside circumstances don't have to change because all your worth is built from the inside out. This means when outside circumstances DO change, your self-worth is no longer at risk. It's rock solid, it's built you, inside you and NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY EVER AGAIN.


Before you can move on and build that big beautiful new future where you have peace, confidence, connections, security, and love you first need to truly believe not that you CAN do it and not HOW you can do it but that YOU DESERVE IT!


Self-love is complete awareness, acceptance, appreciation, forgiveness, and respect for your strengths

and weaknesses. It means loving who you truly are. The more you love yourself, the more you understand how you want to be loved. And the more you love yourself, the more you will love others because you will have the same capacity to interact with others. You will have more to give.


When you;ve gotten the help to emotionally heal from your divorce and you've learned how to cultivate self love and worthiness!


Mums - I especially need you to really get this! From a young age, we are taught to be kind, gentle, respectful, and appreciative to others, but not necessarily to ourselves. We are misled to believe that "self-love" means "selfish." So we feel guilty or even ashamed to love ourselves. We say "I love you" to others all the time but rarely or never say "I love you" to ourselves. As a result, we develop negative self-talk and self-belief. We crave to be loved and when we don't receive that love from others, we think we don't deserve it. And that's the moment we need to realize that we are the source of our love. When we start to love ourselves wholeheartedly, everything will change...


So when our confidence has taken a huge battering how exactly do we do this?


Start off with baby steps! Grab a notebook and pen and follow these steps.


🌻Write down 3 compliments you've received at any time in your life.

🌻Write down 3 character traits you are proud of.

🌻Write down 3 of your proudest moments.


Reread these often. Stick them in the notes of your phone. On a post-it note on the bathroom mirror. Anywhere where you can read them often.


💛Next start making promises to yourself that you actually keep. This will build back up trust within yourself. Again, start with baby steps. "I'll stop what I'm doing and make a coffee at 8pm tonight". "Tomorrow morning going to work I will walk a different route". On Friday night I'll make a meal from scratch". Make whatever promises you want. They can be as simple as these ones. But you must follow through on them.


By doing this your subconscious mind will begin to realise that you follow through on things. By continuing to keep all these small promises you will be rewiring the way your brain functions. You'll be developing new neural pathways which allow your mind to think "Right.. here's a woman who knows what she wants and takes the actions to get it. I can trust her. I can let her make big promises and take big actions now as I know she's got this! I'm so proud of her".

This then begins to become your new thought pattern about yourself, which leads to feelings of confidence and self worth.


💪The simplest of strategies can really start to build up your self worth and help you move on after separation or divorce. Start today!



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