Divorce is tough enough on its own, but when you have children, things get more complicated. No matter how much you might want to cut ties and move on, your ex is still in your life because of your kids. School events, holidays, birthdays—there will always be moments where your paths cross. And if you haven’t done the emotional work to heal, those moments can be filled with tension, discomfort, and sometimes even resentment.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Just this week, I attended my son's high school prizegiving. It was a big milestone for him, and of course, his dad—my ex—was there too. A few years ago, the thought of being in the same room as him would have been enough to send me into a spiral of anxiety and overthinking.
But this time?
It was actually pleasant.
We sat there, side by side, proud of our son, and I didn’t feel the emotional heaviness that I used to carry. That peace didn’t come overnight—it came from doing the work to heal emotionally after our divorce. And trust me, if I can get to this point, so can you.
In this post, I want to share why it’s so important to prioritize your emotional healing after divorce, especially if you’re co-parenting. Not just for your own well-being, but for the sake of your children, who deserve to see their parents working together, even if the marriage is over.
1. Your Ex Is No Longer Your Partner, but They’ll Always Be in Your Life
When you have kids with your ex, the reality is that they’re going to be in your life in some way, no matter what. (I know, I know) You’ll see them at school events, family functions, graduations, and more. I get it—there were times I wished I could just cut ties completely and move on. But with kids, it’s not that simple.
I’ll be honest—there was a time when every interaction with my ex felt heavy. Actually that's putting it mildly. It felt horrendous. I had physical reactions like head-to-toe shaking, palpitations. Panic attacks.
Even something as simple as texting about our son’s school schedule could trigger old feelings of anger, hurt, or frustration. But over time, as I worked on healing emotionally, those interactions became less charged. When I showed up to my son’s prizegiving this week, I wasn’t focused on the past, or worried about how my ex would act. I was able to be fully present, celebrating my son’s accomplishments. And that’s the biggest win.
When you heal, these encounters with your ex don’t have to be painful reminders of your past. You can engage with them in a way that’s neutral, healthy, and focused on what matters—your kids.
2. Healing Helps You Set Healthy Boundaries
If you’re not emotionally healed after divorce, it’s easy to fall into old patterns with your ex. You might find yourself getting overly emotional during interactions or letting them overstep boundaries because you just don’t have the energy to argue. I’ve been there too.
But emotional healing gives you the strength and clarity to set healthy boundaries. You start to respond from a place of calm, instead of reacting out of anger or hurt. That’s exactly what happened at my son’s prizegiving.
A few years ago, I would have spent the entire night stressing about how to act around my ex, second-guessing every move. But now, I’m confident in how I interact with him because I’ve put in the work to heal. I know what boundaries are necessary to keep things healthy, and I don’t let old feelings dictate my behavior.
Setting boundaries isn’t just about avoiding conflict—it’s about protecting your peace. And when you’ve healed, you can do that with grace.
3. Your Kids Are Watching How You Heal
Here’s the thing—your kids are watching everything. EVERYTHING. They’re picking up on how you handle your divorce, how you talk about your ex, and how you move forward with your life. If you’re emotionally stuck, they’ll notice. If you’re constantly battling with your ex or weighed down by your emotions, it’s hard for them not to carry that, too.
At the prizegiving, my son saw two parents who were able to sit together and celebrate him without tension or conflict. That’s something he wouldn’t have seen a few years ago, when I was still dealing with a lot of unresolved feelings. But because I took the time to heal, he gets to experience a version of his parents that can be in the same space and be civil. He doesn’t have to carry the emotional burden of our divorce anymore.
Healing is not just for you—it’s for your kids. They need to see that it’s possible to go through something difficult and come out stronger on the other side. They deserve to see you happy, and you deserve that for yourself, too.
4. Emotionally Healing Helps You Rebuild Your Identity After Divorce
Divorce can shake your identity. When the marriage ends, you might feel like a part of yourself is missing, and you’re left wondering who you are without your partner. That was definitely the case for me. For a long time, I was "the wife" and "the mum," and when the "wife" part disappeared, I didn’t know where to begin to rebuild.
But emotional healing gave me the space to rediscover who I am—outside of my marriage. It helped me reconnect with the parts of myself that I’d forgotten about.
Now, I show up to events like my son’s prizegiving as my own person, not just "his ex-wife." I’ve reclaimed my identity, and I’m building a life that feels like mine.
If you don’t heal, it’s easy to stay stuck in that place where you don’t really know who you are anymore. Healing helps you rebuild your identity on your terms, not as a reflection of your past marriage, but as the person you are today.
5. Emotional Healing Creates a Healthier Coparenting Relationship
Coparenting can be challenging, no question about it. There are always going to be disagreements, tension, or moments where you don’t see eye-to-eye. But when you’ve done the work to heal emotionally, it’s a lot easier to manage those moments without letting them blow up into something bigger.
At my son’s prizegiving, I wasn’t focused on what my ex was doing or not doing. I was able to be present, focused on my son, and not weighed down by old emotional baggage. That’s what healing does—it allows you to put your kids first, and navigate the coparenting relationship with a clear head and an open heart.
Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never have disagreements with your ex again, but it does mean that those disagreements won’t completely consume you. You’ll be able to approach coparenting with more ease, knowing that your emotions aren’t running the show.
Conclusion: Your Kids Need You to Heal, and So Do You
If you’re coparenting after divorce, emotional healing isn’t just important—it’s essential. Your ex will always be a part of your life in some way because of your children, and without healing, every interaction will be a reminder of your pain. But when you take the time to heal, those interactions lose their emotional weight, and you can focus on what really matters—being the best parent you can be.
This week, I experienced firsthand how healing can change everything. Sitting next to my ex at our son’s prizegiving, I felt calm, present, and at peace. And I know that’s possible for you, too.
You can’t skip the healing process, but you can embrace it. Not just for your kids, but for yourself. You deserve to move forward with peace, confidence, and a heart that’s no longer tied to the past.
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